he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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