I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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