haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
