Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
