I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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