It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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