he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
