I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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