Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
