He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
