I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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