so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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