Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
