Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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