i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
