he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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