I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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