it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
