She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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