I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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