It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
