u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
