He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize