Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Couch. On fire.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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