Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
