Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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