4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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