Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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