She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
