I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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