Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
