dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
