just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
