a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
