can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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