I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
