Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
