We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
