It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
