Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Houston, we have a blender
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
