and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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