you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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