im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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