my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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