What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
false alarm, still single
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