but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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