I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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