RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
