I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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