I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm too high and old for this...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize