I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
