I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
