Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
