Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
