I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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