You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
id be glad to
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
