i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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