Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
