sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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