I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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