i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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