can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
