Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
