hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
