She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
