There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
