I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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