WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
