She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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