I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
