Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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