I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
