hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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