I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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